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Being a mom is no easy task. We are perpetually faced with the struggle of trying to be the perfect parent. We want to raise well-adjusted, happy children. But the journey to get there is never easy and is filled with the pressures of society to always be perfect in an imperfect world.
Let go of the idea that you can be a perfect parent. Instead of striving for perfection, look for guidance on how to handle the difficult moments with grace. Your children will benefit more from seeing an authentic version of you than they will of seeing a perfect version of you.
If being a mom feels like an endless barrage of picking, nagging, and yelling to get your children to move their feet and do what you are asking then you are familiar with the high-tension environment that creates ‘crazy mom.’
Most days it probably feels like no one in the house respects you. Maybe it even feels like you are being forced to get angry and be a crazy mom before you can get anyone to listen to you. Hear me when I say - I feel you.
The psychology behind why this occurs is because your children have learned that you are inconsistent with boundaries and they are able to take advantage of you with little or no repercussions.
The best way to turn things around in this situation is to work on becoming more clear with your boundaries and more consistent with enforcing them. Honing your ability to set and enforce boundaries will naturally evoke more respect from everyone in your life. Your kids, spouse, friends, and extended family will all begin to treat you better.
The age of social media has not been kind to motherhood. The constant comparison of how you measure up to the mothers of Instagram and Pinterest is dangerous and robs you of enjoying the best years of raising your children.
When you let go of comparison, shut off social media, and learn to accept yourself for your own flaws and failures, you can simply let go of the idea of mom guilt. Instead of trying to find ways to feel less guilty, work on finding ways to pay less attention to other moms. Practice repeating mantras of self-acceptance and you will slowly build the confidence that you need as a mother that will allow you to let go of the guilt.
There are two kinds of moms, those that work, and those that don’t. While the struggles that each of them faces are different, both types of mothers have unique challenges when it comes to finding a good balance in life.
Raising children is one of those all-consuming things that can take over your whole identity. Mothers naturally give everything they have to their children out of love and motherly duty that they often do not even realize that they are overlooking themselves. There are a number of common mom stereotypes that illustrate all of the ways that we tend to neglect ourselves while raising children.
This type of neglect is unhealthy and leads to severe depression over losing your identity. Working mothers struggle with balancing time commitments for their careers with the demands of motherhood. By the same token, stay at home mothers struggle with structuring their day in a way that provides time for themselves and for their kids separately.
Balance is also about boundaries. Working mothers need to determine how much time they want to devote to working and how much time to mothering. Working mothers should focus on being completely present in either activity during the designated times and to never allow one to impede on the other. This means no late nights at the office and no bringing the kids to the office with you.
Another common trap that is easy for parents to fall into is dictatorship parenthood. It’s not our fault, we are just following the example of the generations before us who dictated rules and doled out punishments to teach us right and wrong.
But our parents also worked hard to build more empathy in us which has shifted the way that we parent as a society. Overall we are more empathetic parents, seeking to understand our children and guide them with compassion instead of simply enforcing rules. Unfortunately, it is pretty easy to fall back into familiar routines and lose some of that empathy when parenting gets tough.
Luckily our kids are wonderfully forgiving people. Make a habit of reflecting on your interactions with your children and improve your responses for the next time. This will make you more aware and more present as a parent, allowing you to decide to be more compassionate.
If you have corrected the same behavior dozens of times and your child still seems intent to engage, it can be infuriating. Feelings of embarrassment, frustration, and disappointment often bubble over into anger. These parenting failures typically leave you feeling like a bad mom.
In reality, nothing could be further than the truth. You also don’t have the patience of a saint. Remember that motherhood is a constant battle to shape your children into productive members of society while they test every nerve that you have. When times get tough, remind yourself that these strong-willed personalities will grow into great leaders if you can manage to guide them without squashing their flame.
The bond between a mother and child is supposed to be one of the most natural, strongest bonds that exist between two humans. What if, in the middle of a chaotic life, you feel that bond is missing with your own child? Do those feelings make you a bad mother?
The truth is that even the relationship between a mother and child is still just a relationship between two people. Sometimes the personality traits of two people naturally cause conflict which creates space. As a mother in this type of relationship, you may find that you have to work much harder to connect with your child.
Rest assured, as long as you are making an effort to connect with your child on common terms or making an effort to show interest in things that are important to him or her, you are doing all of the right things.